What I'm Grateful for...

My lovely sister in law Jess nominated me yesterday to do the gratitude list.  I'm sure these won't come as a surprise to many but here goes:

1.  I am eternally grateful for my Lord and savior Jesus Christ who chose to die on the cross for me 2,000 years ago.  Fully man and fully God, He suffered so I didn't have to, He stood in my place.  He was beaten, lashed, killed, all in my place.  He was thinking of me and enduring death for me.  How can I not be grateful for that?

2.  I am grateful for Kyle Dague. This man has taught me so much about faith, love and respect.  He has showed me how a true man treats a woman, how to respect her and care for her.  He works so hard to provide but never compromises his faith or his integrity in the process.  He has challenged me to become a better wife and mother.  He has shown me how to open up my heart and be vulnerable beyond my comfort zone.  He has broadened my vocabulary and knowledge of ridiculous and useless facts.  He makes me laugh every single day, without fail.  While not perfect I often wonder how I became so blessed by having such an amazing, loyal, thoughtful, giving, caring, loving and attentive husband.  Beyond that this man fathers our children so well I hardly have words to describe.  He has risen to the challenge of having, 1 then 2, and now 4 children with grace, patience and joy.  He has given up his own comforts, desires, wants, and needs for the sake of our 4 little munchkins.  Each and every day he puts the 5 of us before himself.  Each and every day he encourages them, loves on them, and instills in them the values and hard work we all need to have.  Those 4 kids love and adore this man.  Grace often tells me "Mommy you're a great mom, but Daddy is the GREATEST!"  And I'm perfectly OK with that!

3.  Speaking of the kids, I am obviously so grateful for my 4 beautiful children.  Children are a blessing, and I am so thankful for each of their little lives and that God would entrust me to raise them up into who He has created them to be.  They have taught me so much about myself and have made me an infinitely better person than who I was before they were born.  They are each precious in their own little way. 

Noah Matthew - you are my first born, my sensitive sweet heart, thoughtful and caring. You are a born leader and teacher.  You love to show the little ones the way, and encourage them in the process.  You sacrifice yourself for their betterment. Your passion for Christ is contagious and beyond your years.  I am in awe of you, and often wonder the plans God has in store for you.  I am also incredibly grateful for your patience with me as you are our guinea pig.  I'm learning how to be a mom with you, in each new phase and season of life, and unfortunately it's a trial and error kind of thing, but you take it all in stride, and I'm so proud of you for that!

Grace Christine - You are my strong willed, passionate girl.  You are so much like me, a strong exterior with the biggest heart of gold inside.  You hesitate to open yourself to others, but when you do you are the most caring, loving and innocent girl.  You will be a phenomenal mother.  Your ability to nurture is so inherent it blows me away.  Also, you are super smart.  You know so much more than I've even taught you.  You're incredibly talented artistically and I'm seriously jealous!  Your beauty is not only on the inside but the out.  Your beautiful golden curls and sweet rosy cheeks take my breath away several times a day.  Seriously, Daddy and I are in trouble!  Also, you're super silly and so much fun!

Deacon James - My ham.  You crack me up.  You are a complete jock, and totally fun.  Your passion for life is contagious.  People can't help but smile when you're around.  Your physical abilities are beyond your years, but I've learned to give you the freedom and see what you can do.  Also, you're super thoughtful. Constantly bringing me my favorite drink, or helping me make lunches.  You're acutely aware of the needs of others and you like to make sure they're met.  You are also a bit of a neat freak which is hilarious!

Elijah Wilson - I'm incredibly grateful for each and every day you're here.  I know how close we came to losing you and I'm so thankful the Lord protected you and blessed us with your sweet little life.  I have only begun to see glimpses into the personality you have, but I can say this: you have an incredible amount of patience and love for your older siblings.  When they love on you too much, or bump into you too hard, you take it all in stride.  I keep warning them that you're going to be bigger than them someday and get them all back!  But for now you are my sweet precious boy and I am trying to soak up each and every little moment of your littleness!

4.  I am so incredibly grateful for my parents Nancy and Steve Videon.  These 2 people have taught me everything I know.   I now realize the great lengths of self denial and sacrifice they had to make to raise me and my siblings.  Mom gave up her own comforts, especially physically in order to give birth to the 5 of us and to give us the gift of siblings.  Now having 4 kids of my own I am acutely aware of how DIFFICULT that was! They also sacrificed financially. I mean, they put 5 kids through school debt free! Beyond that they taught me and more importantly showed me what a Christ-centered marriage is to look like.  How to love, and how to give of yourself and put the other first.  How it's okay to fight, but it's important to make up.  How arguments happen, but that doesn't take away from your love and commitment to each other.  They raised the 5 of us with so much love.  Mom was always there when we got home from school, and they made a point to make family dinners important.  They attended our games, concerts, school activities, all doing it times 5 and with smiles on their face!  They taught us the value of faith, and to put Christ before anything and everything else we did in life.  They taught us to stand up for the true values we believe in despite what this world might be telling us to do.  I am so thankful for you Mom and Dad, thank you for everything, I love you SO much!

5.  I am so incredibly grateful for my siblings Dan, Jennifer, Matt, and Amy.  The gift of siblings is not something I take lightly.  These 4 people will always have my back, will always love and support me no matter what.  We may have our differences and disagreements but nothing will ever get in the way of our love and support for one another.  That's the beauty of siblings. No matter how much they may hurt you, or you hurt them, when someone outside the circle threatens one, we all stand up!   Also, I'm thankful for Andy Tate and Lauren Videon for marrying my sister and brother respectively.  I know we can be a crazy bunch to marry into, especially with all of the crazy personalities we all have, but I am so thankful for you and love you so much!

Clearly this post is long enough, but I intend on doing another one soon, because I have so much more I want to say and so much more that I am thankful for!!!!

Elijah Wilson


Today is Mother's Day 2014 and Kyle just took the 3 older kids to church leaving Elijah and I to a few quiet moments by ourselves.  He is now 10 days old and before I forget the events of the last 2 weeks I wanted to put them down on paper (or blog - it is 2014!). 

Two weeks ago, the weekend of Grace's 4th birthday party I awoke in the middle of the night as most 9 months pregnant women do. I was almost 39 weeks so the baby was due any day.  The entire pregnancy this little man had been very very active, always kicking, rolling, and mostly jabbing me in the right rib with his feet.  I laid there waiting to feel his kick but after a few minutes I felt nothing.  I jostled my belly, wiggled around to try to wake him up which usually resulted in a quick kick but this time, nothing.  I figured the poor guy barely had any room or was resting up for labor, but also knew I wouldn't be able to sleep without making sure everything was ok.  I quietly crept downstairs to grab a high sugar snack which usually made Eli jump, and again, nothing.  Internally I wanted to panic but instead I grabbed my stethoscope and laid on the couch listening for his heartbeat.  After about 5 minutes, I located the beautiful galloping sound and it sounded fast, strong and healthy.  Rest assured I went back to bed. 

The following Monday (April 28) I had mentioned these events to my OB at my normal apt to which she decided I needed a non stress test just to make sure everything was fine.  They hooked me up to the monitor and after 20 minutes everything looked good, so I was instructed to do kick counts and call if I got less than 10 kicks in an hour.  I honestly didn't get much of a chance with the craziness of the kids and school to do kick counts the rest of the day Monday or Tuesday, so Wednesday morning while Noah and Grace were at school, I laid down on the couch and put a movie on for Deacon so I could concentrate on the kicks.  An hour later and I had only gotten 6.  I called the OB and she told me to eat a large meal and a tall glass of ice water and to try again.  Well, by then all of my kids were home from school so a concentrated kick count just wasn't going to happen.  I attempted however and only got around 5, but again, wasn't able to really focus on the kicks.  When Kyle got home that evening he made me call the doctor and they told me to do it one more time and since Kyle was now home from work I'd be able to really focus.  Well, this time it took 30 minutes to get the first kick, and after the hour only had 4 or 5.  The kicks were faint and for how active the baby had been prior I finally started to get concerned.  Again I called the OB back and they said the office was still open (it was 6pm) and to come in and get another non stress test.  I got in the car and despite the crazy pouring rain and flooded roads everywhere I made it to the office.  They put me on the monitor and I heard his heart beat and breathed a sigh or relief.   Twenty minutes later the OB walked in and I expected her to say again that he looked fine and send me home.  Instead she said the baby was having some decels and I wasn't even contracting and that she didn't like the way he looked.  "Do you want to have a baby tonight?"  I was shocked and I said, um I'd love that! This is the doctor that delivered Noah and Grace so we are very familiar with each other.  She told me she was on all night and to get to the hospital and she'd meet me there.  I ran home, grabbed Kyle, said goodbye to the kids and off we went! 

I was induced with Deacon and had absolutely no issues so I was expecting the same in this situation.  We got to the hospital around 7:30 pm, (apparently I have a knack for getting to the hospital at change of shift!). We were put in our room, and we waited for the nurse.  Our nurse Robin came in and hooked me up to the monitor.  Then she sat down next to me and started working to put in an IV when all of a sudden the gallops of Eli's heart beat turned into a very very slow drum beat.  I looked at the monitor and it said 60.  The nurse casually got up and said in about a minute there will be a flood of people running in here and instructed me to change my position to try to get the heartbeat back.  A flood of 4 or 5 nurses ran in and as they rearranged my position one had my arm in the air trying to put in an IV, the others were running around doing things, and Kyle just stood back in a peaceful silence.  Fortunately they got Eli's heartbeat back within a few minutes but I was placed in an uncomfortable position on my right side that I now had to stay in because when I moved he dropped his heart rate. 

The nurse told me she had been an L&D nurse for 18 years and never saw a baby do what Eli had just done and go on to handle induction and a vaginal delivery.  They also called and had an epidural placed so that in the case I had to be rushed to the OR I was already numb.  Over the next few hours they slowly tried Pitocin, and Elijah didn't tolerate it. I think around 10:30ish (because I was trying to watch Nashville) he dropped his heart rate into the 40's, and again had to move me around and back to my right side.  I had to have my legs straight and flat with my feet pointing up and my back twisted to the right side. Very uncomfortable, but it was the only way to keep his heart rate where it needed to be so I prepared myself for a long uncomfortable night.  They turned the Pitocin off and then tried to turn it back on, etc etc.  Finally around 1:30 am the doctor came in and said he's not tolerating the induction and that we could wait it out a little longer but that she had a patient in the ER who needed surgery and would be unavailable for 2 hours, or we could go ahead and do the C-section now.  I painfully accepted the C-section now because I didn't want a stranger doctor to have to section me.  I was so bummed and sad, and the doctor felt really bad too.  She said its such a shame that on your 4th pregnancy I have to section you, and all the nurses were saying the same. 

They pulled me into the OR at 2:02 am, and that blue sheet went up and I don't know what happened after that.  By the grace of God the anesthesiologist who had put my epidural in was with me during the surgery and he was hilarious.  He is probably the only reason I didn't freak out.  I was cracking up the whole time they were working.  After a few minutes I heard the squirting noises of the bulb suction, and I looked at Kyle and said it sounds like his head is out. Silence.  Then I heard a nurse say the time 2:19 am, and that he had been born, and the doctor say "Wow look at this cord! I've never seen a cord that twisted!"  After a few more moments I finally heard the sweet sound of a cry in a far corner of the room.  Kyle and I looked at each other and I said "It's ok, go be with him".   He felt so torn, but left me and went to be with the Elijah.  I heard a nurse say 3100 grams, and I thought to myself wait, weren't my others around 3800, 3900? Then I heard the nurse say 6lbs 15oz.  I was shocked.  My other 3 were all above 8lbs and Deacon was 8lb 10oz.  Why was he so small?  I laid there staring at the sterile OR ceiling, and to my left at the OR doors, and to my right at the suction canister filled with..... ew.  Not much to look at or to do except think.  I heard Kyle and the nurses talking, and the snapping of pictures without me.  After 3 vaginal births, this was a totally new experience, and I didn't like it at all.   Then all of a sudden I felt like I was going to vomit.  With my arms strapped to the table and Kyle not at my side I looked around to determine how and where I should let it spew.  Fortunately my buddy the anesthesiologist realized and grabbed an emesis basin and out it came. 

After about 10 minutes they brought Elijah to me so I could see him and give him a kiss on the cheek, and get a picture or two.  Then they were ready to take the baby to my hospital room, and I told Kyle to go with him.  So there I laid, alone, for the next probably 20 minutes (although it felt like an eternity).  Finally they were finished and I was wheeled back to my hospital room where Kyle and Elijah were hanging out, getting to know each other.  Despite my arms being slightly numb I demanded they give me the baby.  They carefully propped him next to me and I tried to nurse him for the first time.  It was after 3 am, but I think I got that first feed in within the hour! I atleast tried because I know how important that can be! 

Kyle showed me the pictures that he had taken of Elijah's birth.  I was informed that he had passed meconium before being born, but that his apgars were good at 8 and 9.  However, the pictures were upsetting.  His cord did not look normal to me at all.  Atleast not like the other kids' cords had looked.  It was so twisted, and so purple.  And Kyle informed me that the woman on the left with her hands on Elijah as he came out was a NICU doctor.   After the section my OB came over to me and told me it was a very good thing we had done the section when we did.

It was at that point that I knew deep in my heart we were lucky.  I knew God had his hands on us the whole time.  I knew we came way too close to losing our sweet precious baby and that May 1 could have been a day of mourning rather than celebration and life.

For the past 10 days I have constantly contemplated what if?  What if I hadn't paid attention to his movement?  What if the doctor had brushed it off more?  What if I hadn't called when I did?  What if I hadn't done any kick counts because life was just so busy?  What if I hadn't opted for the C-section when I did? 

Elijah struggled during our 3 day hospital stay and was very very close to being admitted to the NICU.  He had trouble maintaining his temperature, he couldn't keep his sugars up, his bilirubin was getting high and his platelets were low.  When we saw the pediatrician for Eli's first visit he told me he was shocked they didn't admit Eli to NICU.  I told the doctor how I'd been praying Eli wouldn't have to go to the NICU and he undoubtedly agreed that was the only reason he wasn't there.  A baby with a birth history like Eli's, with the twisted cord and meconium, jaundice, sugar issues, temperature issues, and low blood counts would almost always end up there.  I am so incredibly grateful for God's faithfulness to us in keeping our sweet baby alive and healthy and that we were all able to go home together on Sunday.